ANTI-TAMEBRIDGE by MAN-ABOUT-TOWN, RHODRI KARIM If, like me, your genitals shrivel at the very thought of lads on the lash, slags on tour, proportional representation and all those other harbingers of BROKEN BRITAIN then perhaps you too will come to demand more from your nights out than pub/club/sleep. This being Cambridge (whose two primary exports are hard work and terrible clubs) it won't be easy, but take heart young labourers! Cambridge is a timid fox cub just waiting to be coaxed out of its hole and set loose on the hens of squaredom. THE JUNCTION While the Corn Exchange plays host to luminaries such as the Chuckle Brothers, head south to the Junction for serious vibes. The main venue plays host to some of the biggest DJ nights in the area (including dubstep, drum 'n' bass and an intriguing burlesque night) and regularly puts on solid gigs (Mystery Jets are playing soon, as are The Wedding Preset and Yann Tiersen). Next door is the intimate J2 where you'll find blistering modern jazz and folk freakouts (Polar Bear and Laura Veirs were the last couple of blinders). The 50-minute walk back is also a must-see. THE ADC Cambridge has a robust tradition of student drama, and the ADC theatre in the middle of town hosts some pretty solid performances. For instance, last year I saw a "techo-opera" by Steve Reich, a Wizard of Oz musical featuring munchkin bodysuits, and the Footlights sketch show. They routinely do late shows at 11pm and the tickets are cheaper than the cinema. Plus their bar is open later, cheaper, and staffed more attractively than most. Other colleges put on performances too, which you will no doubt be forced to attend by thespiatrix friends. KAMBAR Dingy, noisy and with a higher density of goths and metalheads than you'd think was possible with all those spikes and massive Nightmare Before Christmas bags. This is of course why it plays host to a fabulous alternative dance night: the National Rail Disco. It usually features rising post-dubstep/chillwave/wonky/arsefidget stars and a phlange of student DJs, and the last few have been rather solid (James Black, Bullion, xxxy all featured last year). They also alternate between their goth and metal nights on Tuesdays, if music isn't your thing. BOTANICAL GARDENS Brilliant in autumn, sublime in summer. Fucking cold and dead in winter. Cactus room terrifying. MUSEUMS Cambridge's biggest -- The Fitzwilliam Museum -- is grossly underrated. Their ancient civilizations wing is chock full of sarcophagi, suits of armour and antique pornography. The art ain't so bad either, but avoid the endless rooms full of crockery. Check out museums and galleries off the beaten track too: the Museum of Technology is full of steam engines, the Whipple Museum of the History of Science is crammed with mad instruments, the house at Kettle's Yard is one I would happily die in. OTHER COLLEGES For the last couple of years Jesus have held their Chapel Sessions fairly irregularly -- although the music was hit and miss, nothing beats sitting in the dark on a cold chapel floor surrounded by audiovisual mayhem. Caius hold their monthly jazz workouts in their bar, where they bring in professional musicians for some heavy, heavy jams. Although their students are far better dressed than we are the tickets are usually less than a fiver. Clare Cellars is a consistently good venue with regular DJ nights and a few live band nights, but as they often clash with Pav I'm afraid you are outlawed from attending. All this bumpf is often poorly promoted, so make sure you join all the Facebook groups you can. ARTS STUDENTS If you aren't one, make friends with some. English students hold the best house parties, the Architecture Society has bonfires and lectures about houses that move (and other crazy shit), there's all sorts going on in the Music department, etc. I suppose SciSoc has a few good talks a year (Roger Penrose confused everyone last yer) but likely the most you'll get from your department society is pizza. Once. CYCLING It's great, you should do it. Idyllic pubs are to be found in neighbouring villages. Avoid in winter, though, unless death would be a welcome respite from the horror of continued existence. CHURCHILL The best thing about Cambridge (BUT ISN'T EVERYTHING GREAT ABOUT CAMBRIDGE?) is how you live and work mostly in your college. It's like your university is TINY, and it gives you the chance to get to know nearly everyone across all the years. It's taken a while for me to realise it, but Churchill is kitted out with facilities to fulfil every dimension of your interests. The bar is hip-hop-happening even on weekdays, especially in the first term, so you have no excuse not to do all your hanging out there. The games room features a rotating Sega arcade machine (the machine does not itself rotate) -- greatest hits include Crazy Taxi, Virtual Tennis and Street Fighter II. We've got a pretty damn good music centre full of pianos, studio equipment and rehearsal space. We'll be renovating the art studio at the beginning of term with new materials and surfaces. The university radio station is based in the basement of a grad house, and the GODS -- Churchill's recently revived and cash-rich drama society -- put on regular performances in outlandish spaces. We've been holding twice-termly open mic nights and regular misleadingly titled Jazz in the Bar nights, all of which end up packed to the brim with musicians and slow-drinkers alike. And Pav's a riot, it really is. Above all, the best thing you can do to guarantee yourself a good time is GET INVOLVED. Good times like these appear because students (like you) get off their arses, put off their deadlines and MAKE SHIT HAPPEN. Find some friends who like the same kind of stuff you do, start a society, get some cash, spend it all, have a laugh, have your cake, eat it, STILL POSSESS CAKE. It's up to you to have as much fun as you can in these three years. I'll be making sure you do.